Football's Euro 2021 Last 16 is here, but what would the result be if the battle were in the style of ski top-trumps?

Here is the Euro 2021 ski top trumo face-off. The draw is based on the Euro 2021 Last 16 and will pit each one against each other in terms of ski resorts and skiers within their nation. Match results are outlined below.

Enjoy!

Stats have been taken from www.skiresort.info and www.statista.com.

Individual stats for the UK nations were not available so the UK skier stats were allocated based on population, top trumps is based on a head-to-head format so couldn't include the group games - you might not all like that but this is just a bit of fun so please untwist any knickers and yes, editors decision is final!

Wales vs Denmark

Rarebit vs Bacon, an evenly matched looking draw, edged by the Danes. Despite its low altitude Denmark has more dedicated dry slopes than Wales and although Yr Wyddfa (Snowdon) is a higher peak for free-skiing, Denmark has more skiers heading away even as a percentage of the population. Denmark may be low in altitude, but it is high enough in ski quality to send the Welsh home.

Italy vs Austria

A tough draw in the last 16 sees two of Europe’s ski hotspots (cold spots?) come head-to-head. Italy has resorts across the peninsula including in Sicily and Calabria, but it is no match for the pure number of places to ski or the kms of pistes available in mountainous Von-Trapp Austria. Although you can ski down Mount Blanc from the Italian side, the 3,899m piste in Cervinia is the highest dedicated slope in Italy and the larger population brings them back into the tie before we see that 1 in 3 Austrians goes skiing, a hammer blow. Austria advances, though not tectonically, Italy goes home.

Netherlands vs Czech Republic

The Netherlands is flat, right? There is no way they can beat the country of 2018 gold medallist Ester Ledecka surely? Correct – this is a whitewash, and the Czechs advance without breaking out of 1st gear. A country in which you walk up to the sea was never going to compete, question marks about the qualification criteria are covered over by men in suits.

Belgium vs Portugal

An intriguing tie, on paper at least, the mountains of Portugal versus the keen travelling Belgians. Yet, despite the high altitudes to be found in the mountainous border with Spain, Portugal’s ski performance is lamentable. Fewer places to ski and less appetite for skiing. Recount ordered! Too late, Portugal crashes out on an easy blue run. Ronaldo is not impressed.

Croatia vs Spain

Another intriguing tie, Zagreb is on the FIS ski world cup calendar, but the Sierra Nevada and Pyrenees provide high and popular ski destinations. Considering its mountainous border, Spain has a low number of ski resorts yet there are enough to swing the tie, even though it seems skiing is as popular in Croatia.

France vs Switzerland

Another epic ski battle between 2 of the giants of world skiing sees high numbers of resorts, thousands of pistes on which to ski and 2 nations with huge numbers of skiers. After a see-saw battle, Switzerland edges it. A steward’s enquiry is called when the Vallée Blanche start height is remeasured, but the run down from the Aigulle du Midi in the Mont-Blanc massif is confirmed as 3,842m and the Swiss go through.

England vs Germany

The English are knocked right off their skis by the nation that has the highest number of skiers in Europe. Did you think Garmish was the only resort in Germany? Well the other 693 ski locations beg to differ and Germany ease into the quart finals without breaking sweat. Ski resorts need to come off the Amber List shout the English.

Sweden vs Ukraine

Skiing in Sweden is a mirror to their footballing counterparts, we know a little bit about them, perhaps their star players but not their squad members. Whilst the Ukraine has the vast Carpathian Mountain range on its western border, there are not many places for skiing. Higher than Sweden but without the resorts or the skiers, Ukraine head home to build more places to ski.

Quarter Finals

Switzerland vs Spain

After a mammoth tie in the last round, Switzerland makes sure it keeps its foot on the skidoo gas as they brush aside Spain. Switzerland, as the established force, outscores Spain in all categories and whilst Spain is becoming a more and more popular place to ski, they are no match in 2021 and still dream of the 2008-2012 glory years.

Belgium vs Austria

After a surprise, yet confident win in the last 16, Belgium is no match for Austria in this quarter final. David (represented by the 650m Signal de Botrange summit in Belgium) is squashed mercilessly by Goliath (Pitztal Glacier at 3,440m). It is not pretty, and nobody likes to see such a mismatch. Requests for a smaller 8 team competition have been submitted to the organisers.

Czech Republic vs Denmark

Denmark, happy to make it to the quarter finals of such a prestigious tournament, makes up the numbers as the Czechs make them look like a true dry-slope nation. Fervour in the Czech Republic reaches levels unseen since 1996 as the nation starts to dream…though short of everyone going skiing this weekend, we are pretty sure the result of the semi-final is a formality…

Sweden vs Germany

Representing the smaller guys in the tournament, Sweden puts up some good stats but ultimately the size of Germany overawes Sweden like a giant vat of gluhwein. Germany loves skiing and the numbers are so compelling even Opta want a piece of it. A draw in the ski percentages keeps the tie respectable.

Semi Finals

Austria vs Switzerland

Switzerland and Austria wonder what they did wrong to draw each other in what would have made an incredible final. Austria has seen off Italy and Belgium, Switzerland has seen off France and Spain and now the two giants of central European skiing fight for supremacy in an epic tussle.

Austria starts strong but in the greatest comeback seen since Wayne Rooney’s hairline, the Swiss take out their knives and their cuckoo clocks and storm to victory by the absolute narrowest of margins. It is high-octane, high altitude unabashed ski joy celebrated with extra Emmental.

Czech Republic vs Denmark

Delighted to have made it this far, Czech fans coil back in horror at the sight of their 1996 heartbreaker. Still on the rebound after such an ending, the Czechs can’t compete and Germany walk away with the tie before the Czechs realise that per capita they actually have more skiers, but by then it’s too late and only a transplant will do.

Final

Switzerland vs Germany

It is the final, a Teutonic clash, but not a schnitzel in sight. The German onslaught begins, they have hundreds of places to ski, and they have the skiers to go there but when you face a country that is effectively one big mountain, defeat is only ever round the corner, or over the hill. Switzerland’s crazy stats led by the incredibly high population of skiers settles the tie in its favour, a 90th minute winner that was never in doubt.

You want a third place play-off, are you kidding?